“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’” ~Mary Anne Radmacher
Carefully, I wrote my New Year’s Resolutions neatly in my purple leather bound journal, which chronicled the ups and downs of the past year of my life.
Resolutions, whether they’re made on the first of January or any day of the year, are refreshing. It’s a chance to start again—the closest you can get to a “redo” of the past.
In prior years, I made resolutions that were destined to fail. Read one book per week. Write a book. Learn yoga.
It wasn’t that the previous resolutions were bad. Rather, I had failed to put any sort of plan in place to help me succeed. I only had a lofty goal, not steps laid out to get me from where I was standing to where I wanted to be.
But this year, I needed change. I needed a fresh start. I didn’t need the seemingly constant stress and the disappointment that plagued me last year to carry over into 2014.
So my resolution was a succinct two words: Be happy.
And unlike prior years, I made a plan for how to transform my resolution into my life. It felt weird trying to develop a way to be happy. But this year had to be different, and if planning was required, then plan I would.
The plan? Take steps. And keep taking steps—don’t freeze in place.
I took steps. I enrolled in a course in a subject I had long been interested in but too afraid to try. I decided that I would spend the Fall 2014 semester in London. I went to Chicago’s new Nutella Bar—because not every source of happiness requires a big change; sometimes the little things add up.
And then only days into January, I panicked. Say this whole “Be happy” thing didn’t work out?
What if I made all these changes and I wasn’t happy?
What if the decisions I was making were actually wrong?
What if life was still really stressful and exhausting?
It took me a while to realize what all the what-ifs were really disguising. Superficially, the panic appeared to be the fear of not achieving the resolution.
In reality, though, the fear of not achieving the resolution was a cover-up for the fear of failing as a person. What if I took all the steps to create the life I wanted and it didn’t work out? Would I be left with an unfilled life on top of an unfilled resolution?
Everyone talks about how going after what you truly want takes hard work and perseverance. Few people mention the courage required. It takes courage to forge your own path in a forest overgrown with what-ifs and brimming with the beast of society’s potential judgment.
Being honest with yourself about what you want, whether it’s happiness, a new job, or significant other, is scary. When carving your own path, you don’t know what’s in store for you ahead.
I came close to letting the fear of what-ifs consume me and abandoning my goals along with the little progress I had made in the first few weeks of January.
Fittingly, however, the one thing that overpowered all the what-ifs swirling in my thoughts was one single what-if: What if it all worked out?